11DP5DT

It has been a busy week for everyone with Christmas and spending time with their families.

6DP5DT I decided to take a HPT, there was no second line. I wanted to lose hope. I told J that I took the test and it was negative. We started to talk about our THIRD fresh cycle. Since it would be a new year, out of pocket expenses would be there. J said no to credit card debt and we would just pay cash. That means putting off our goal of paying off our car. That night I had a dream that I took a HPT and it was positive. It was so vivid. I have never had a dream like that. That next morning (7DP5DT) I decided to take another test. I gave my self a little pep talk to not get discouraged if there was no second line. After sitting there knowing I had to get ready for work, I started to see things. Was a seeing things? No, sure enough there was a very faint second line. I was in shock! I could not believe it. I had to tell J. I found a nice bracelet box and put the test in there. I handed him the box and said “sweetie, I have a early christmas gift for you” He opened it and I said “Do you see it? Do you see that second line? We are pregnant” J just grinned and kissed me. He is a sucker for little emotions.
8DP5DT I took another test, a different brand, sure enough it was positive again. This was Christmas eve I might add. I have been feeling wheezy and have been getting small head aches. We went over to my grandmas house for dinner with my family. My grandma was keep on making comments to me “Maybe you’re pregnant” over and over and it was eating at me. J and I decided that we will tell them. I called out that I needed everyones attention. I told them all that I have been taking HPT and they have been showing up positive. We will not know for sure though till Friday. Everyone was so excited.
That evening we got home and we asked J’s parents to come down to watch Bri open a christmas eve gift. While talking to my mother in las, she asked if I still feel good about this cycle, I told her that I did. She then asked if I have been cheating.
one thing that I can not do is lie. I am the worst liar. I got up and started to walk away. She chased me down screaming “AMBER YOU GET BACK OVER HERE!” it was pretty funny. I grabbed the box with the test in it and told her that I had a gift for them to open first. Her and my father in law opened it up. My mother in laws jaw dropped, speechless. You can tell that she was extremely excited. She told me she knew it was going to happen. She just had this gut feeling it was going to work and she knew I was going to be pregnant. By the way, she thinks it will be a girl.
J and I still had to tell his sister. I told her when she and her boy friend got home, that they needed to down stairs because we had a christmas eve present for her. I wrapped up the box all pretty for her in a gift bag. My mother in law played it off that I got her a bracelet before she opened the present. Jer opened the box and she was just staring at the test. You can tell she was confused, Then she said “Is this real?” I said “Yes” She responded “You’re Pregnant?” my response “yes” and then there was a lot of screaming and hugging. What an amazing night. We called my dad Christmas morning and told him and my step mom what followed by more screaming 😀 I am very thankful for this christmas miracle. It is truly the best gift I could ask for.

Friday morning I went in for my blood test. They check you levels at 10DP5DT. Since it was a half day in their office, they said that they would call me soon with the results. I already had a feeling I was getting the call that says “you’re pregnant”, but I was scared of what my hCG levels were going to be at. Anything over 5 is considered pregnant. The thing is, the lower the number, the higher chance of a miscarriage, ectopic or chemical pregnancy. I was praying for a high number. With research, anything over 50 is good. I was out shopping with my sister in law when i got the call. The store was so crowded (after christmas sells) The RN was on the other line. She said :amber, are you ready for the news?” I told her yes and that I have been cheating. She said “well, you’re pregnant” Ahhhhhhhhhh I am so happy!!!!! My levels were at 109 what is a really really good number. She even talked to my DR and said if I needed to, I can have 1 Diet Coke a day. I have been holding off though.

I am extremely grateful for my family and friends who have given J and I unconditional support through this journey. We have came a long way. This is the biggest Christmas Miracle. We are so blessed. I have so much gratitude to our father in heaven. This baby is one special baby. I just pray for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.

I have been very tired all the time still. I have noticed, when ever I eat, I just want to nap afterwords. I swear I eat more than J right now. I feel very bloated and my jeans are not wanting to fit because of it. Thankfully I have leggings that will help me out.
I decided to take a look at a IVF Calculator for a due date. Looks like I am 4 weeks and 2 days right now. If we are having twins, my due date will be around August 12th. If it is a singleton, September 3rd. I am anxiously waiting for the day we get to bring this little bean into our world.

We have four growing strong

This weekend has been pretty good to me. I was able to keep my self busy with retail therapy. Yesterday afternoon I went out with my sister in law to get some things for Christmas presents. She was pretty worn out after a hour our two so we grabbed a late lunch and head back home. For the past few days I have been taking things easy, I decided to find a new show to watch on Netflix. I started to watch Scandal. It has me pulled in pretty good. I truly love the addicting TV shows. When I got home from shopping, I was able to squeeze an episode before my best friend called me to let me know she was ready for our girls night. I am glad that we got to go out together. We both have been through so much and we both really needed to get out of the house. I met her at her house and off we went to do more shopping! On the bright side, I was able to finish all of my shopping! That is a big stress reliever right there. I have all of the stocking stuffers and all of the last minute gifts. Now I just need to wrap up the rest of things. When Holl’s and I were at Kohls, we noticed they had a bunch of Juicy Couture purses, clutches, and wallets. (one thing about me, I love ANYTHING Juicy Couture, ANYTHING! My glasses are even Juicy Couture)
Holl and I both came across these black wallet clutches that were on sale. I feel in love with them. We both splurged and got the same one. I will be handing it over to Santa to put under the Christmas Tree though. I seriously can not wait to use it.

J has still been under the weather from his surgery and Bri is gone for the weekend. It has been a very “me” weekend. This Sunday happened to be the week I had to teach. I decided to teach on making Christ the center of their homes. What a great lesson to teach around Christmas. I found these cute chocolate ginger bread houses and tied a quote on them for the girls. I am very thankful that I teach these young girls. Being able to prepare lessons and teach them helps me become a more better person.

Just before church got over my phone started to ring and I had to silence it. I knew it was the Fertility Center calling me to go over my embryo report that I have been waiting for. Thankfully she left me a VM to go over my transfer time and how the embryo’s are doing. I go in Tuesday afternoon for transfer like anticipated. We have four 8 cell embryo’s that are going strong and one 5 cell. I am not sure if the 5 cell is going to make it, but I am extremely thankful that we have the four. What a blessing to have. I am praying that they all make it to Tuesday to full blastocyst. I am trying to stay very optimistic about this.

Six Fertilized

I got the call from the lab yesterday afternoon. She went over all of the numbers with me.

21 Eggs Eetrieved

12 Matured Eggs

6 Fertilized with ICSI

I was stressed about J’s number so I asked; 12million per ml & 25% motility

I was having a really hard time with these numbers because I felt like the last cycle that we did in September had a lot better numbers, I went through my blog post and wrote down the numbers to compare.

21 Retrieved

16 Mature

13 Fertilized

6 made it to day 3 (8cells)

2 made it to transfer.

I did have them tell me J’s count last time as well. I was under the impression that it was 11million per ml, but she told me over the phone that it was 13.6 million per ml and 28% motility.  So in all I feel like last cycle’s number’s we better all around. Why would this cycle be worse? I was having such a hard time.  I started to cry about it. I can just see this all failing and then we will not have anything to transfer. I started emailing one of my friends who has been going through the same thing. Secondary infertility, first ivf cylce failed, moved on to number two and is on her TWW. Her husband was taking Q10 as well for around 2 months. They transferred two perfect looking blastocyst. From what I remembered, she had a low amount of embryos as well. Talking to her made me feel a little bit better about things.

I have to teach a lesson at church tomorrow and I had a local print shop print off some handouts for me. I ran into one of my old coworkers daughter in law’s who told me who much she admires me for everything that I have been through. (She follows my journey on Instagram) She asked how I was doing and what the next steps are. It is truly nice to know that there are so many people out there rooting for J and I.

I moved Bri’s piano lesson’s to Friday and when I was there my mother in law sent me a text asking if I had heard from the lab. I wanted to break down all over again. I wrote down the numbers on a pice of paper while I was at work and took a picture of it so I can send it to family and friends. I sent it over to her and told her how scared I am about this cycle. We text back and forth about everything. She said “you know, all it takes is that one”  She was right. Why am I stressed so badly about only having six? Six is such a good number to have! even if they do not all make it, all we need is that one to turn into a perfect blastocyst. I have so much faith that is we transfer a perfect blastocyst, then we will have a positive cycle.

I will get my next report some time tomorrow to go over how the embryo’s are doing. It will truly be a blessing to hear that all six, maybe eight are at 8 cells. We will see. Till then I need to be patient, I need to have faith, and I need to trust the Lord.

Dėjà Vu! 21 Eggs retrieved

Egg retrieval went great this morning I was getting really bad anxiety when I checked in. J had to leave right after his semen collection to head to his reconstruction surgery on his nose. I asked my Aunt to pick me up, but she called me last minute saying she was unable to. I then called my grandma (who lives ten minutes away from my Dr’s Office) to come get me. I was scared that I was going to come out of anesthesia and no one will be there. I was nervous for J for his surgery. I would not be there with him. It was extremely scary for me. All of my thoughts were eating me alive. J gave me a kissed goodbye. Shortly after the anesthesiologist came and got me. He got my IV’s all ready and gave me some valium to relax. Oh, I felt better after he gave me the good stuff. I remember talking to the nurse about me drinking a Diet Coke after retrieval. Dr. G came and then I took the best nap ever. I woke up to Christmas music and was on cloud nine. I don’t think I was as loopy this time coming out than I was last time. I knew I had to wake my self up because I had to remember all of the numbers. They walked me into the recovery room while I waiting for my Grandma to come in and sit with me. Dr.G came in and said I did great. My numbers were the same as last time, 21! what a great number. I am very shocked that I produced the same amount. I talked to her about Q10 and FertilAid along with egg quality. She is pretty sure that this will do the trick. I even asked her if we can transfer 2 again, what we will. I am extremely thankful to be blessed with such a great doctor. Their staff is even amazing. The will call me in the morning with the report on how many eggs were mature, and how many were fertilized. I am anxious to hear the numbers! Since we are doing ICSI again, we will have a high number once more. Last time we had 13. I am praying that this cycle is it and we can end 2014 with a dream coming true.

My sweet Grandma picked up some lunch for us nearby and took me home. It was nice being able to spend some time with her. I truly have the best grandma out there.

Later my best friend came by to check up on me and brought me a Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate from Starbucks. It was pretty delightful. I am glad I was well taken care of.

I was also able to spend time with my sister in law most of the day. We just laid on the couch watching Netflix till J got home with his parents.

My poor hubby looked so out of it. His nose all taped up with bloody gauze. Even though I have been in pain, my husband has had it worse. I was all about making sure he was ok and taken care of. His mom and dad told me that they had him in recovery for over 2 hours because he had high blood pressure. They needed to make sure that he was stable before they let him go.

What a day, Egg retrieval and then J’s reconstructive surgery! I am extremely thankful that we both made it through the day. J’s day seam to be a lot more hectic than mine. I am glad he is home resting.
As for me, I have some cramps. Nothing like it was last time. I have been keeping hydrated as much as I can. The heating pad is once more my best friend and I also have some essential oils to help as well.

On the Tenth day of injections my true love gave to me..

Since it is Christmas time, I figured I would add some Holiday cheer to my blog. Today is the 10th day of my injections. I woke up to a big bruise on the right side of my stomach. Just as I was starting to think I have not bruised up that much compared to last time. I also remember my stomach stomach sticking out a lot more too. Well last night I noticed that I look like I was pregnant with a burrito. It has yet moved either! This morning my stomach was still poking out! I had to find one of my baggy shirts to wear with some leggings so I could be comfortable and look normal.
Lately I have been getting irritated with anything and everything. I just want to be left alone with no one talking or trying to touch me. Is that no much to ask? I get so irritated when J or Bri comes up and ask me something. My response: “I don’t know, figure it out on your own”  or “I don’t care, just do what ever”. I know, I am way cranky! Hello hormones taking over my soul.

This morning I went in to my day ten appointment to see where things were at. I have scheduled all of my appointments right after I drop Bri off at school so I can make it to work on time. Well today that did not happen. I got there 10 minutes early to be seen 40 minutes later. Usually an ultrasound and blood work take 15 minutes tops. I was out the door 5 minutes passed 9 and was late to work. Not my day. One top of that, I was late yesterday for an appointment that I spaced that was scheduled at 9:15

On the bright side, I have over 3 follicles over 18mm. The biggest one is at 22mm. I look pregnant, pregnant with follicles that is lol. My last blood work to look over my estrogen levels were around 24000. They go up 10% a day I believe. They need to be around 3500-4000 to trigger tonight. The nurse thinks everything should be spot on. I will get a call tonight with all the information I need. I am seriously looking forward to be able to get this done and over with.

Infertility is hard enough, going through two IVF cycles is just has bad. Some times I just don’t get why I have to do all of this to try to have a baby with J. Two in a half years of countless nights crying, praying to god asking “why”, depression, anger, envy, you name it, I have gone through it. I am ready to end this battle. I have learned to be happy with what I have around me. I am grateful for everything that has been placed into my life. I just pray that this cycle can start a new journey.

Day Eight

I just got done at my eight day check up. Everything looks great. One of my follicles are measuring at 15 1/2mm. They need to be at 18mm to trigger. They grow about 2mm a day. My nurse told me that I may be able to trigger tomorrow. That would be a day earlier than expected. It can still be Tuesday night though. We will see!
This cycle has been going by really fast.
Last night I had the worst migraine! I ended up going to bed really early. I rubbed some peppermint oil on my forehead, took some extra strength Tylenol, had J give me a massage in the dark, curled up in a ball and went to sleep. Luckily I woke up this morning and it was gone. I do I have slight headache still. I can deal with that though.
I have been extremely uncomfortable. Wearing pants is a chore now! I seriously went to work in yoga pants on Friday! Oops! It was casual Friday, right? I have still been irritated with anything and everything. My hormones are out of whack. I definitely do not feel like my self. I rather feel like this though than the emotional wreck that I was when I was taking estrogen and progesterone. That is one thing that the IVF pamphlet’s don’t tell you, you seriously sell you soul to fertility medications. This is all for a good cause though and I am extremely grateful to be able to do this.

Day Four, the roller coaster begins

Today is my fourth day of injections. Menopur and Follistim are my best friends that greet me at 7:30am, NOT! All though they’re there, I wish I did not have to go through this all over again.

I have found my self very quite through this second cycle. I want to keep to my self about it. I have not really talked much about it, until today. I felt like I needed to speak up and let every one know that this is such a hard battle. I may seam like Super Women, but I am not. I am just me.

Our first IVF cycle I was very pumped about thing. I was finally going to be able to be pregnant! I thought for sure that it was going to work. I was super positive about things. I was very optimistic. Then J and I got the news that it did not work. What a world of hurt. We had 2 embryos transferred, our only 2 that made it. The idea of IVF failing and doing a FET was out the window.

We then met with our amazing doctor who broke things down for us. Right away I started back up on BC. Only a little over 2 weeks of a little pill every afternoon. I felt like the side effects where not that bad as last time. I did notice I was breaking out like a teenager. My last BCP was on Thanksgiving. How I was so excited and shouted with joy! (I hate taking pills)

Friday I went in for my baseline ultrasound. Everything looked great. The nurse did tell me that my lining was thin and to expect my period. I also had my blood work drawn to make sure me levels were where they needed to be to start injections. Sunday morning was my first day. I felt so out of it. I had to teach my class at church and all I wanted to do was climb into bed and nothing.  After church, I put on my pajamas and curled up on my couch and watched TV. I did not even want to move.

Monday was a little better. I felt like my self. My period did show up and made things a lot more fun for me. Cramps are the worst when you can only take Tylenol for pain. On top of that, I was getting bad head aches.

Tuesday I went into the doctors for more blood work. My levels are where they need to be. My dosage of medication will not change.

Wednesday/Today I feel a little pain. Menstrual cramps are out of the picture, now it is just the uncomfortable bloating pain from my ovaries. My stomach is slowing starting to puff out. I do not have any bruising, how ever I do have red dots all of my stomach from the shots.

My thoughts right now are all over the place. I don’t know how to feel about this cycle. I do not know if I should be excited like I was last time. I want to be pumped up. I also don’t want to be a Debby Downer and think that this wont work. Instead I just feel numb, like it is just something I am doing for the heck of it and I should not think anything of it. I question my self on if I should really be doing this. I am sure a lot of this is coming from my psychotic hormones. Thank you Menopur and Follistim for doing this to me! Gaaah.

I go back in on Friday for another ultrasound and more blood work. I will be starting Ganirelix some time the end of the week as well. Ganirelix is to make sure my body does not ovulate. That is a big NO during IVF. I will be going in every day this weekend. They need to keep a close eye on my levels and follicles. They need to be that perfect size in order to do my HCG Trigger Shot.  If all goes to plan like it did last cycle, I should be doing my Trigger Shot on Tuesday and then retrieval on Thursday the 11th.

I pray that this cycle works, I don’t want to do it all over again in another two months. This has been the worst emotional and physical thing to be dealing with. I want to be my self. I think if this cycle fails, it would be good to take a little break from things.